23 September 2012

Sam in his room

It has been a week since Sam has trundled off to Exeter University to start his Maths course.  Each week Sue is preparing a weekly email to send to him telling him about the week at home and I am preparing pictures and video to give him a bit of a video diary.  But I wanted to add a bit of dialogue too and, not to overshadow the great work that Sue has done, have decided to put it in a blog that he can look at in the years ahead.  It's a bit like talking to an audience of one but life can be a little like that.

This isn't meant to be all about Sam either.  As the boys start their journey away from the family home it's also important to remember that Harry is going through a change in his life and this blog will encompass both of their lives.  Of course kids are rubbish at appreciating that these are the days that they will always want to remember but, despite the myriad of ways in which they can do this, fail dramatically in doing so (what terrible grammar but no-one is going to read this anyway).  Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and all the other social media plug-ins could allow them to document their experiences but who knows what they actually get up to.  At least I can tell one side of the story and hopefully, in the future, they can piece together the other.

So what happened this week?  On Saturday 15 September we loaded up Mark's (Dickens) Espace and headed down the M5.  Harry stayed at home (probably a late night) and looked after Roxy.  We had a bit of fun looking out for other students heading down the motorway.  You could tell them from the packed luggage areas, parents in the front seats and teenagers in the back (often holding larger items like guitars).  It was organised mayhem once we reached the university.  The first problem was that Sam had been directed to another hall to collect his keys but this was on the other side of the campus.  Quick re-programming of the SatNav got us to Birks Grange just in time to hit our allocated slot.  The unloading process was quick (it is only with time that we accumulate the detritus of life) and we whipped into town.  We had to buy new sheets for his double bed (he was told he had a single) and a new duvet.  Lunch in town was lovely with the son shining but I could not believe the size of Sam's burger.

By the time we got back to the university more freshers had arrived but no-one was around on Sam's corridor.  Bed made and Sam keen to get rid of us, Sue and I said our farewells and drove back into town.  A few texts from Sam later left a bit of a lump in the throat as no-one had yet to turn up but at least I had a packet of tissues on hand for Sue.

The week at home without him has been interesting.  Harry's attitude has improved dramatically and he is more conversational.  His fleeting obsession about joining the army seems to have moved to a back burner and he has been busy sorting out products to buy for his sports supplement business.  In fact he spent a couple of hours in the office with me sorting out an order.  I was really impressed with his knowledge of the products and his awareness of the margins he can make compared with other websites that are selling the same stuff.

Sue's email to Sam in the middle of the week was a welcome surprise for Sam (I have put it below).  He also enjoyed the video.

"Hi Sam,

Thought it might be a nice idea to send you a video of what's happening here in Bristol. Hope you like it, although there is not much at mo as you have only been at Uni a few days.

Granny and Grandad say hello and are looking forward to seeing you next Friday. I have arrange for a Family meal on the evening as everyone wanted to see you before you went to Uni to wish you well.

Not sure what time and where we are going for the Balloon Flight now, it has changed so many times, I think it is at Ashton Court now. I'll find out when I ring on the Saturday.

Granny Fords phone is not working, dad has not been over to take a look, I think he is putting it off so Granny can't ring us! Her pendant alarm is working so if it's urgent she can still get hold of us but she won't be able to ring us to pick her tissue off the floor :}

Chris and Edwina's house has been sold again although they have asked us to take the barbed wire down from the side of Granny's as it is unsightly. I guess they are right it does look like a prison camp. Hope the new neighbours are friendly.

Harry seems to be working hard and he is making a real effort to not be miserable and grumpy. He is really looking forward to spending the weekend with you, it will be great for both of you. We can bring him down with the stationery and bits and bops you wanted, and pick him up on Sunday. We thought we could spend the day near Exeter on Sunday and perhaps buy you lunch or dinner before we head home.

Dad has really embraced his new eating plan and exercise programme, we may see a new and more energetic dad yet! :) I went to the doctors and the X-ray showed no arthritis or cartilage damage so may be able to get back to exercising with dad soon (hope so).

Roxy is missing you. She spends a lot of her time in your room. Lord knows what you will lfind in your bed when you come home. I would sweep it before you get in.

If you are feeling homesick, just remember you can come home anytime, but give it a couple of weeks, once you get into a routine and meet some like minded people you will love it there.

Well hope you enjoy this. We love and miss you
Hope you like the video below

http://youtu.be/-O_Urhrlp4c  "

Slumber party in the B1 corridor

On Friday 21 Harry got the train down to see Sam.  He was so looking forward to seeing him but was more excited about experiencing the university experience.  It's the end of Freshers' week and so the party fervor would have been reaching fever pitch!  What happened over the weekend was sketchy but this is probably due to Sam and Harry not being very sober.  From the picture on the right it seems that the party did not finish in the bar!  Sam and Harry did a karaoke number at one bar and Harry won some free stuff from Nandos on a do-or-dare competition.

On Saturday Sue and I took Roxy down to Hanham and walked along the river.  It took us 50 minutes to get to the pub (name escapes me) where we had a well earned refreshment and so did Roxy.  By the time we got back to the car Roxy was knackered.  She certainly slept well that night.  By Sunday morning Sue was feeling particularly ill.  I spent the morning cooking ratatouille and home made beef burgers while Sue lay on the sofa.  Oh what a life!  In the afternoon we headed back down the M5 to bring down all the stuff that Sam had forgotten the previous week and to bring Harry home.  It was great to catch up with him.  Sam has decided to join the rugby team, drama society, film club and snow club.  Hopefully this won't impinge on his studying.  A quick meal in the Imperial pub (a Wetherspoons) and we were soon heading back through torrential rain back to Bristol.  Harry told us that he was chatting with a girl on the train down to Exeter who commutes every weekend down to Cornwall/Devon as a surfing instructor.  She is the same age as him which shows some real dedication (travelling all that way and the cost too).

Well that's about it for this week.  I will be putting together Sam's video over the next couple of nights and this will be posted up next week.

Day 3 Detox

It's day 3 and the headaches are a little less troublesome. More poached eggs for breakfast with some mushrooms, toast and my tomato & chilli salsa. Lunch was 3 Ryvita with peanut butter. After spending the morning in the kitchen and chucking loads of veg and chicken into the slow cooker the stew was finally ready. A bit tasteless without stock cubes and salt. A small dumpling would also have been nice. Anyway that's the food diary for today.

Rest of the day spent unblocking my mothers toilet (again) and visiting the in-laws. Oh the joy of a Sunday.

Day 2 - Sam goes to university

Severe headache last night meant I was in bed at 9pm. Downside is that I was awake at 4.15 this morning.

Sam is off to University today so we have to load up a car and make the short trip down to Exeter. It's going to be a difficult and emotional day. Food could be a problem too but I'll just have to do the best I can.

Breakfast today comprises 2 poached eggs, 1 piece of whole meal toast and a reduced tomato, butternut squash and chilli sauce. Lunch was mackerel with onion, boiled potato & horseradish salad at the Piano & Pitcher in Exeter. Dinner was half a tuna steak with prawns, garlic & chilli.

Sam was quite eager to "get rid of us" after returning to his room. We took away the single sheets and duvet for the bed we were told he had and Sue made up his double bed with the new bedding from Primark. We had a few texts from Sam after we had gone. I jokingly told him that he was now deleted from my contact list. His response was DISOWNED! After 2 hours there was still no one on his corridor and I guess by then he had unpacked and boxed up the two hat orders. Last message was that he had sorted out his railcard, eaten and finally met some people in his corridor. Phew.

I'm two days into this detox and the headaches are pretty bad. I'm guessing this is caffeine withdrawal and sugar deprivation.

Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Day 1 - The diet to change my life

So here we go with yet another diet but, in fairness, this is not the best description. It's more of an attitude change that's needed and, despite being absolutely knackered yesterday through lack of sleep, I felt invigorated after my session with Louise and the FitQuest team.

OK, it was a bit daunting being the only chap there but I for got through it and now it is Day 1 of the detox.

So tonight we have planning pan fried tuna with green beans. Not the most dynamic of combinations but will make sure it works. Breakfast and lunch pictures are attached. Healthy and fully of vitality ( I'm beginning to believe already).

So here are the meals today.

Breakfast - 2 poached eggs on 1 slice of whole meal toast. No butter.

Lunch - 2 slices of roast turkey from the Sainsburys deli counter and some cherry tomatoes.

Dinner - Tuna steak with steamed green beans and cherry tomatoes and onion.

Bring it on.

The early hours of the morning are probably the most emotionally charged of the day. I guess this morning I am a little more negatively charged than normal. For the last few weeks I have noticed a downward spiral in my demeanour, less enthusiasm and a general reduction in the joie de vie. In the first instance I have to ask myself why I have raised myself from the marital bed to come to my computer and pour out some masculine emotion. The first reason is that, quite simply, no-one reads this stuff and, in the second case, it may serve as some sort of emotional epitaph.

I know that I am going to die and it is an event that will happen within a few years. The effects of both my sisters dying at a young age and the fact that neither of them made it to 47 years of age does not bode well. OK they were diagnosed with ovarian cancer and this is unlikely to have a direct causal effect on my own eventual demise but my focus on life and what it means has been slowly slipping from my persona for many years now. This has, of course, been masked by the positive influences of having children and being able to share in their lives the beauty of knowledge and life. Without the blessing of Sam & Harry I feel that I would have sunk into a well of despair long ago. And the path to that well is moving in a free and downward direction. The pace is picking up and there appear to be no obstacles in the way because, of course, I can see the day when my children no longer need my support and my life will be left with a void of unimaginable size and depth.

My own life has been blighted by the desire for life, freedom and individuality that has, with the onset of profound grief, led to a self-destructive world. I have become fat and indolent; the drive for success and thirst for knowledge has just ebbed away. I can recognise the symptoms of depression and I just do not know what to do about it. Life in the civilised world is still about survival. We don't seek water and food but we seek emotional buoyancy. And I think that there are far too many people out there who need some sort of emotional support and they do not know where to look. But is this a real need, a real symptom of something deeper or just melancholy and self-pity? I don't know but, whatever it is, I feel a very real pain. I feel lonely and hopeless, like a ship without a rudder.

Cleve v St Ives (45-5) - It was snowing when we arrived at the Cleve ground in Mangotsfield to host a touring team from St Ives. Temperatures were touching zero and the cloud cover was not promising. Waterproof trousers and thick coats were the order of the morning.

By kick-off time the clouds had parted and the sun came out. which made for a welcome change.

From the start Cleve dominated the game with two early tries. Despite the absence of Ian Clarke and Andy Priddle the team performed in a well structured format. Sam was playing at scrum half for the first time in over a year and I think he made a pretty good job of it despite having to be spoken to by the referee for feeding at the scrum. The picture above shows a charge down on the St Ives fly half which, if Sam had been successful, would have severely ruined his hair!

The second half continued on the same upward swing for Cleve with Sam moving to inside centre and sneeking a try early on in the half. Towards the end of the game the referee (from St Ives) called "Dying Ant" and all the St Ives players fell onto their backs and started kicking their legs in the air. Not a recognised procedure with the RFU but very entertaining nevertheless.

Final score was around about 45-5 but we were not paying too much attention. Sam had a good game all round and didn't disgrace himself at scrum half.

The start of the U15 junior rugby started with the usual confusion at the Hayfields today. Arriving at 10am to find almost the entire car park full gave an indication that we had either attracted a larger crowd than a Chelsea European Cup home match or we had some severe conjestion problems with pitch allocation. As one might guess it was the latter problem that provailed and we all struggled in to the ground. The rain was holding off and was not forecast to flush its way through Bristol until late afternoon so the potential for ideal rugby weather was good. Only problem to worry about was the swirling wind that can sweep through the exposed areas of the Hayfields.

Pre-match warm up was behind the clubhouse where the ground was hard and the amount of pitch space available was limited to a patch of grass the size of my lilac coloured thong. Due to the over crowding on the day with mini's training and various other matches scheduled the boys had to run through their manoeuvres in between the U16 lineout practice and the Mangotsfield over-50's country dancing team. Not a great deal of space to work in but we now have three new moves including a Dosey-Doe, where the pack take three steps forward and one step back. The call sign for the move is "Yee-Haa".

Pre-match warm up completed the team went back into the clubhouse as it was starting to get a bit parky. No Tayler today as he was on round-ball duty so there needed to be a bit of a shuffle in the back line. Dan White was notable..sorry that sould read NOT ABLE to play due to a broken wrist, leaving Bambi Ford to step into the fly half position.

It should be noted at this point that I made a rather important observation today. It seems that John Tasker bears an uncanny resemblance to Mike from the Young Ones. This may not seem relevent to the match report but I'm typing this and so I don't really care!

A certain Mr Priddle took to the centre spot with whistle in hand and the game was about to start. With convenient timing the rain started to come down as if to welcome the start of the competitive rugby season.

The game was off to a lightening start. What struck me about the game from start to finish was the quickness and lightness of touch that the players had with the ball. The movement was superb and each player seemed desperate to keep the ball alive at all costs. This certainly drew dividends in the first minutes that started with a drive from Rikki in our own half. Going to ground on the half way line the ball was quickly out and moved down the line with confidence, each player drawing the opposing man before the off-load. With inevitable ease the ball finally fell to Snake-Hips Clarke who surged down the left wing and under the posts for the first try. As the boys were retreating to the half way line it only then became apparent that Rikki was hurt and finidng it difficult to walk. Substituted after just two minutes this seemed to shake the boys a little and Cheltenham, to their credit, came back with a renewed gusto. The onslaught lasted just over five minutes before another try went in under the posts. Same formula as before with quick and sure hands being the recipe for this try. Cheltenham were now on the back foot and never seemed to get back into the game. At the break Cleve were 38-0 with no likelihood of slowing down.

Second half brought about the most significant change as Ian Priddle was substituted for a referee with a light blue rugby shirt. Seems as though Ian was not wearing a regulation uniform and has been cited by the RFU. In any event the decisions became a little more confusing to understand but the final outcome never seemed to be in doubt. What was so remarkable about this performance was the fact that the scores were achived by backs and forwards alike. Most importantly though it seemed that we were watching a focused and cohesive unit rather than two disjointed sections of backs and forwards. Ball handling was excellent and the vision that was shown to keep the ball moving was a joy to watch. If Brain Ashton has nothing else to do next Sunday he cold do no worse than take a peek at the way the game of rugby can be played.

Try scorers: Ian Clarke (5), Andy Priddle (3), Adam Tabbard (1), Matt Starr (2) and Sam Ford (1)Conversions: Andy Priddle (8)

My family is probably one of the most dis-jointed I know. Well, OK, that may not be quite true as I'm not sure of all the ins and outs of other people's families but it often feels that way.

Today we went over to see my cousin who was throwing a party for her son who had just made major in the army. After serving three terms in Iraq it would have been a good opportunity to met a relative who I have never met. In fact most of the relatives on my mother's side are a bit of a distant blur, remembered only through out-of-focus glasses. It was quite disconcerting when people said to me "Ooh I haven't seen you since you were so high". Not very encouraging for a 42 year old.

Although my mother is the oldest of 9 children I was one of the last children to be born of all her siblings. As a result I am often as old as my cousins' children and have little in common with my first cousins. Also my relatives were never that close when I was being brought up so they weren't natural playmates. As time passes the family bonds that were prevalent 40 years ago are as tactile as the elastic in Paris Hilton's underwear. It is easy for me to blame my parents for loosing track but in a world where an email can get half way around the world in under 4 seconds it is not their fault...well not wholly. The problem is how do you reconnect with a family that has been so disjointed for so long? There is no common ground and re-unions like today's are a little eggshell-treading. I expect that I was wanting more "connection" and was left with more confusion.

In the picture above is my mother (right) and auntie Rose. These family gatherings are really for those that have made those connections in the past (like them) but our own 21st century lives have little place for reliving prior acquaintances, even if that means family. We are given a purpose to always move forward with our lives and this means our relationships too. Do we ever give ourselves the chance to look back at our lives and, perhaps, uncover a little more of our own personalities? Now I can almost hear the therapists yelling "YES" but when the hell are we meant to find the time. And being such a time poor generation we will rarely have the chance for self-diagnosis.

So why am I dwelling on this past? To be honest I have no real idea. More importantly I have little more time to deal with these earth crunching issues as I have got to focus on what I am doing tomorrow. Keeping looking forward as, one day, the past will bite you on the arse and you'll never see it coming.