My family is probably one of the most dis-jointed I know. Well, OK, that may not be quite true as I'm not sure of all the ins and outs of other people's families but it often feels that way.

Today we went over to see my cousin who was throwing a party for her son who had just made major in the army. After serving three terms in Iraq it would have been a good opportunity to met a relative who I have never met. In fact most of the relatives on my mother's side are a bit of a distant blur, remembered only through out-of-focus glasses. It was quite disconcerting when people said to me "Ooh I haven't seen you since you were so high". Not very encouraging for a 42 year old.

Although my mother is the oldest of 9 children I was one of the last children to be born of all her siblings. As a result I am often as old as my cousins' children and have little in common with my first cousins. Also my relatives were never that close when I was being brought up so they weren't natural playmates. As time passes the family bonds that were prevalent 40 years ago are as tactile as the elastic in Paris Hilton's underwear. It is easy for me to blame my parents for loosing track but in a world where an email can get half way around the world in under 4 seconds it is not their fault...well not wholly. The problem is how do you reconnect with a family that has been so disjointed for so long? There is no common ground and re-unions like today's are a little eggshell-treading. I expect that I was wanting more "connection" and was left with more confusion.

In the picture above is my mother (right) and auntie Rose. These family gatherings are really for those that have made those connections in the past (like them) but our own 21st century lives have little place for reliving prior acquaintances, even if that means family. We are given a purpose to always move forward with our lives and this means our relationships too. Do we ever give ourselves the chance to look back at our lives and, perhaps, uncover a little more of our own personalities? Now I can almost hear the therapists yelling "YES" but when the hell are we meant to find the time. And being such a time poor generation we will rarely have the chance for self-diagnosis.

So why am I dwelling on this past? To be honest I have no real idea. More importantly I have little more time to deal with these earth crunching issues as I have got to focus on what I am doing tomorrow. Keeping looking forward as, one day, the past will bite you on the arse and you'll never see it coming.